The Office
by ItachixEura4ever
Summary: The antics, trials and such of Sephiroth, Genesis, Zack, and all others at ShinRA. No yaoi except in jest.
1. Chapter 1, A day at the office

Intro: Hey guys this is a new series I've started called The Office,

(no it has nothing to do with the TV show :3) Mostly about the lives

of Sephiroth, Genesis, Zack, Angreal, and all those other people working

at ShinRa. Have fun reading it, as I had fun writing it.

* * *

The esteemed General Sephiroth, was seated at his desk in his large office.

With his chin resting in his left palm, he stared up at the ceiling idly tapping his pencil

on said desk. He was bored. Very bored. That bastard President Shinra had not sent him

on a mission in days, so he sat there drowning in paperwork but not lifting a finger to address

it. That's what the secretarial pool was paid for. Thinking on this gave him an idea.

Secretaries. The cure for office boredom. He tapped the intercom button. "Send me ms. Harrison

please." He requested. "Yes, General." came the crackly voice through the speaker. The Shinra

secretarial pool had secretaries in every flavor. They were all bitches, but they had their uses, in

and out of office. There was a tap at the door, and after he had authorized entry with a brisk "enter,"

the tapper did so. Slim, buxom ms. Harrison was wearing her usual uniform of unbelievably tight black capris, white sleeveless turtleneck top and black pumps. Her hair hung loosely around her shoulders,

and she had a flirtatious look in her eye. "Ms. Harrison would you come assist me with these papers?"

he asked. Of course, General." she replied. She could tell by the way he was smiling-smirking really-

that what he wanted was not help with papers, and was not surprised when, after reaching he side,

she felt his hand snaking over her _derrière. _

2nd class SOLDIER Zack Fair leaned back in his swivel chair, moving it from side to side with his foot while he whistled 'On top of Spaghetti,' the tune that was stuck in his head at that moment. He was pretty bored. His own paperwork was finished, thanks to a Miss Honda, who for once had managed to do her job in between throwing herself at the uninterested Zack. While the blonde miss Honda was attractive, with

her big brown eyes and first class figure, she had the most annoying personality he knew, as well as being incredibly clingy. He had it from Reno that she was in the habit of trying to turn one-night-stands into

lifetime relationships. Zack avoided encouraging such girls. He glanced at the clock. An hour till lunch break. Deciding that he would rather not spend it alone, he pressed the intercom button and asked the crackly voice through the speaker to be connected to General Sephiroth. "Yes?" came Sephiroth's voice, which sounded rather muffled. "Hey Seph you wanna go drinking at break? I heard that new bar around the block has a great selection." As Zack waited for the answer he was sure he heard a female moan from the other end. _Sephiroth, that dog._ he thought with a grin. "Alright." Sephiroth agreed, switching the intercom off. Zack leaned back in his chair and continued swiveling. He decided to invite Reno as well. Reno had no office, (actually Zack didn't either, he was merely filling in for Angeal while he was away,) so he pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number, drumming his fingers on the desk as it rang. "Yo." came Reno's voice

from the other end of the line. "Hey Reno wanna go out for drinks at lunchtime? Me and Seph are gonna head over to that new bar." "Sure man sounds great, count me in." Answered Reno. "Cool, see ya at lunch."

said Zack, hanging up. Reno was relatively new to ShinRa. Even though he was a Turk, not a SOLDIER,

he and Zack had become friends pretty quickly. Zack considered asking Genesis to come along, but decided that Sephiroth would do so. While Sephiroth tolerated Zack, saying that he was "The most intelligent and agreeable of all the 2nds," Zack doubted that the esteemed general would go drinking with him unless accompanied by another 1st, namely Genesis or Angeal, or both. Suddenly, Zack jumped as his phone vibrated loudly on the desk where it lay. He picked it up and looked at it. 1 new message. Upon pressing the 'read' button he saw that it was from Angeal. _Zack, TWO beers NO MORE for you puppy. _

Zack scowled. He supposed Sephiroth had ratted on him. Oh well, two was better than none.

Genesis Rhapodos sat in his officer staring numbly at the mounds of paperwork that stared back at him.

How did it get this bad? He wondered. He needed help, but he shrank from the idea of having one of those slithering, gossiping, tittering and generally bitchy secretaries helping him. Still, this was not something he could do alone, or at least so he told himself. It was then that he remembered something. He tapped the intercom button. "Yes, Sir?" asked the crackly voice. "Don't we have a new _male_ secretary?" inquired Genesis. "Yes, Mr. Harris, sir." the crackly voice replied. "Good. Send him here please." said Genesis happily. Male company. Just what he wanted. He felt a pang of pity for this Mr. Harris, one lone male in the sea of females that was the secretarial pool. He did not have to wait long, for soon there was a light tapping t the door. "Come in!" called Genesis cheerily. The door opened and a tall, slender man entered.

He had hair that was a mixture of red and brown, and the stylishness of his attire indicated that he had put a lot of time and thought into it. He walked over to the desk, and Genesis noticed that he had an odd way of walking. For one the he put a lot of swing into his hips. As he reached the desk he leaned over it so that he face was rather close to Genesis'. "What can I do for you sir?" asked the man in a syrupy voice. "W-what?"

Stammered a confused and disbelieving Genesis. "I said…" said Harris, slinking over to the side of the desk where Genesis say. "What…can I do for you…sir?" he repeated, moving his hand to rub Genesis' shoulder softly. Genesis, who till now had been to horrified to utter, regained speech. "Gah! G-g-get away from me!" he shrieked, nearly falling out of his chair as he scrambled to get away. Harris looked confused.

"But sir, aren't you…?" he asked. "No! I'm not! That's repulsive! Get out of my office!" Genesis yelped in reply. The man frowned, and slunk dejectedly out, his hips still waving. Gasping with relief, Genesis wheeled slowly back to his desk, and pressed the intercom button once more. "Please send me a female secretary." he asked the crackly voice. "Which one sir?" asked the voice. "It does not matter as long as she is over 40!" replied Genesis moodily. "Yes sir." replied the voice. Genesis leaned back in his chair and sighed loudly. Hopefully the woman would attend to business at her age. Soon there was a knock at the door. "Come in," said he. The door opened and a woman who he was sure had to be at least sixty sauntered in. "What can I do fer ya sugah?" she asked with a broad wink. Genesis buried his face in his hands with a groan. What was the DEAL? "_please…_just file those _papers…please!"_ he gasped wearily. _That's it._ He thought._ I'm scarred for life._

"Specify what you want them to do over the intercom next time." Sephiroth advised his friend,

who had called him complaining in a loud voice about the promiscuity of every single secretary in

at ShinRa. "When you don't specify they think you want something more personal." stated Sephiroth calmly. Genesis sighed. "I guess I was to busy specifying what kind of secretary I wanted instead of what I wanted them to do." he said morosely. "Do you want to come drinking later?" asked Sephiroth, changing the subject.

"Sure…"

As the four men settled down at the bar and ordered their respective drinks, Zack wasted no time in turning

on Sephiroth. "So I heard you thumping around in your office with I believe a miss Harrison?" he jibed,

elbowing Sephiroth in the ribs companionably. Sephiroth merely smirked. "Hey, how could you tell who it was?" inquired Reno of Zack. "Oh I know the distinct sounds all the ShinRa secretaries make during times of passion." Said Zack, wiggling his eyebrows. "Let me get this straight." Said Reno as their drinks arrived. "You saying that you have been with every secretary in ShinRa?" Zack gazed up at the ceiling. "Ah…well, _most,_" said he. "_Some._" Sephiroth corrected him, knocking back his drink. "Okay okay some." said Zack,

rubbing the back of his head. "Personally I think its revolting." Stated Genesis haughtily. "That's because you are homosexual." Sephiroth informed him. "Gah! I am not!" exclaimed Genesis hotly. "I'm just not a slut like you all. In fact," he said, holding up his glass and watching the liquid sparkling in it. "I plan to save the bulk of my lovemaking for my my lovely wife, whoever she may be." Zack blinked. "Wife? Really?" he asked, surprised. Sephiroth snorted. "Genesis, I think we both know that neither of us is the marrying type."

Said he. "Speak for yourself," huffed Genesis. "Sounds like a buncha trouble to me." muttered Reno. "I dunno, maybe there is something in that." mused Zack. "Of course there is." answered Genesis.

"By the way look out for that new secretary Harris. He is frighteningly gay." He advised. "Chyeah found that out," said Zack with a shudder. Sephiroth smirked. "Genesis had quite a lot of trouble with secretaries today." he explained. "Oh shut up." grumbled Genesis, ordering another drink.

Later that afternoon Sephiroth logged in to the company website to check for any missions. Rufus Shinra had introduced the website a few weeks ago to try and improve office efficiency. It displayed office news and bulletins, it had forums and polls, as well as a 'missions inbox.' Sephiroth only stayed on briefly for it also had an instant messenger which did not have an 'invisible' option. This meant that a lot of annoying 2nds and 3rds would bombard him with greetings whenever he was on. _there's one now._ He thought irritably. _Oh wait, its Genesis._ He clicked on the box to see what the redhead wished to discuss with him.

Genesis R. (1st): Hey. Any missions?

G. Sephiroth (1st): No. You?

Genesis R. (1st): Yep. I hear old Shinra sr. is pissed at you.

G. Sephiroth (1st): …why?

Genesis R.(1st): Something to do with a rumor about you seducing his wife.

G. Sephiroth (1st): Oh really.

Genesis R.(1st): Is it true?

G. Sephiroth(1st): No. She is a psychotic bitch.

Genesis R.(1st) I see. Well I guess you just have to wait till it blows over.

G. Sephiroth(1st): I suppose I must.

It was a perturbed mood that he signed off, seeing several 3rds waiting to chat with him.

Humming a cheerful tune Zack turned the key in the lock of Angeal's office. Having completed a days work he was ready for the relaxation that awaited him at home. As he headed for the door, he nearly ran into Sephiroth, who was emerging from his own office. "Oh hey Seph, headed home?" Zack greeted. Sephiroth nodded. Zack was the only 2nd who could call him by a nickname. "Cool. Hey Seph…" Zack began.

"What do you think about, you know, this whole marriage thing?" asked Zack, sticking his hands in his pockets. Sephiroth, recognizing this as a young man seeking Answers to Life's Many Questions, was thankful that he, unlike Angeal, did not have a protégé. "All I can say," He said, "Is make sure you are completely ready before taking such a step." Zack nodded. "Thanks Seph, see ya tomorrow."

"Goodnight Zack."


	2. Chapter 2: Fangirls

Sephiroth: Delete this chapter. Delete it right now.

IxE4ever: Sorry Sephy, it stays. :3

Sephiroth: damn you.

A/N: I may or may not have gotten Angeals rank wrong here. If I did, and you are angry, well, I'm sorry.

Enjoy!

* * *

"General Sephiroth! General Sephiroth! Oooooh General _Sephiroth!"_

A gaggle of young girls, all of whom had long silver hair and who were wearing a black and

silver school uniform that he supposed was meant to be reminiscent of his own battle suit, stood before him screaming his name. They called themselves the "General Sephiroth fan club,"

and he was the guest of honor at their meeting.

Good Lord.

The previous day:

Genesis sat at his desk tapping his pencil and humming a tune. He was in blithe mood, having recently returned from a successful mission _and_ the hair salon. He fingered his freshly trimmed red-brown hair fondly. He had been so busy lately it had begun to look like Sephiroth's. "How could that man stand to have so much hair?" he wondered aloud. "I mean, it makes him look like a woman from behind, provided a very ugly one, but still. He gets hit on all the time not to mention approached by drag modeling scouts." He smirked to himself. "As for Angeal, has that man ever heard of a comb?" he sighed contentedly. "No, my dusky red hair reigns supreme as far as coiffeur goes in this office."

As he was thinking this there was a knock at the door. "Come in…" he responded warily, remembering his unfortunate experience with secretaries a few days ago. The door opened and he saw to his relief it was only miss Honda.

His relief turned to astonishment however, as miss Honda intoned: "Presenting the commander Rhapodos fan club!" and about six girls, all with short red-brown hair identical to his own, burst in squealing "Commander! Com_mander!_"

at what he hoped was the top of their lungs. They were wearing pink and black school uniforms that made him look down at his own clothes.

What was going on here? He telepathed this message to miss Honda using his eyes, but she only smirked and closed the door. He looked blankly at the girls who were staring at him with hearts in their eyes,

their mouths open and panting like dogs. He searched for speech and soon found some. Not much, but some. "Eh?"

"_Ohhhhh myyyyyyy Gooooooodssss!!" _He winced as their voices hit an octave that made him fear for the windows. Was this going to happen every time he spoke?

"Girls, shut up." Commanded one of them, and Genesis took an instant liking to her. She appeared to be the leader, because the room was instantly silent. "Commander Rhapodos."

She began. "We, the Commander Rhapodos fan club wish to invite you to be a guest of honor at our meeting tomorrow."

Then it hit him. Fan club! He had a fan club! How very flattering! Of course, it was no real surprise. And they were inviting him to their meeting! Genesis beamed.

"Why, I would be delighted." He agreed, running his fingers through his hair and smiling at the squeals this action produced. He _did_ love an audience. "I didn't even know I _had_ a fan club," He said, much flattered.

"Oh _yes,_" said the leader. "You have the third biggest fan club in ShinRa!" Genesis' face fell. "Third?" he squeaked. The girl nodded.

"Who has the largest?!" he demanded.

"General Sephiroth." She informed.

"Second?!"

"Commander Hewley."

"I'm behind ANGEAL?" He bellowed. "Who has the fourth largest then?"

There was an awkward silence in the room. "So anyway, you will be sure to come right?" asked the leader, trying to ignore Genesis' broken expression. "Uh-huh, sure…" he replied listlessly.

He couldn't believe this. _He,_ the most debonair, charming, handsome-no, _beautiful,_ not to mention well-dressed man in ShinRa was behind that gangly ape Angeal,

and that barbershop boycotting Sephiroth when it came to fan girls?! "Oh, by the way," added the girl, "Do you think you could convince General Sephiroth to come? I doubt his fan girls will get an audience, and it just wont be the same with ought everyone there."

"Oh he'll be there!" Asserted Genesis, clenching his fist. About two hours of constantly screaming, constantly fawning pack of teenage girls? Oh yes, he would be there, and serve him right.

I am not at liberty to divulge the method Genesis used to convince Sephiroth to attend the meeting the next day, but he did attend, along with an almost equally reluctant but similarly coerced Angeal.

"This meeting will now come to order!' Shouted a girl with shortish black hair, wearing a dark grey and black school uniform from a small podium at the end of the room. The other females tore themselves from their idols,

handing them back the various limbs which they had taken possession of, put their tongues back in their respective mouths and took a seat. The black haired girl at the podium, who presumably was

the leader of the Commander Hewley fan club, was joined by the silver haired leader of the General Sephiroth fan club, while the leader of the Commander Rhapodos fan club showed the honored guests to there honorable seats.

"We will now say the fan girl pledge." ordered the leaders.

The girls all stood.

"We, as fan girls, pledge our undying allegiance to (Sephiroth, Genesis Angeal), to remain

forever faithful to him alone, to relentlessly pursue our ultimate goal: to one day be joined in marriage

with him, even if we must become members of a harem. To always…"

_These girls are insane._ Thought Sephiroth. He leaned over to Genesis, who was seated between him and Angeal listening to the pledge with a rapt expression, and whispered; "Genesis I suggest that when this is over you

have an immediate change of address. I recommend somewhere deep in the artic where I wont bother to search for you but you will still die, frozen and alone."

"I second that advice." whispered Angeal. "Because as soon as this is over I'm going to--" "Now boys remember your oath," interrupted Genesis. "Now be quiet wont you? I want to hear this." Angeal and Sephiroth scowled.

They had forgotten about the blasted oath.

"…And will do so forever more." The girls finished reverently. "And now…" began the black haired leader. "…For the games." She slid her eyes over to Angeal with a sly look. Then she reached into a bag and pulled out a bottle. Suddenly the room erupted into squeals, shrieks and giggles.

"Hell no." said Sephiroth firmly.

"There is no way I'm going to play 'three minutes in heaven' with a bunch of sixteen-year-olds."

"We are not playing that game." Said Angeal to the leaders. "Try to think of something that doesn't involve a prison sentence." He added.

It was then that Sephiroth noticed the refreshment table, and eyed it with some interest. He nudged Angeal, who turned and also eyed it with interest, and they both gravitated to it.

"Good eats, anyway." Sephiroth commented, munching on a slice of salmon. Genesis, however, was busy looking at the disappointment in the faces of his fan girls. His heart bled for them, and he was struck with an idea.

He hurried over to his fan club leader and whispered in her ear. As she listened she beamed and began nodding with wild enthusiasm, drawing many curious looks from the other girls. "Yes, we do!" She told Genesis.

"Good, set it up." He instructed, and she rushed off to do so. Then Genesis sauntered over to where Sephiroth and Angeal were quite enjoying the chips and dip at the refreshment table. "Listen boys, I want you to do a little something for me."

He said. He leaned in and whispered to them.

"Negative." said Sephiroth icily. "Genesis, you are sick." Angeal informed. Genesis looked smug. "You will do it or the whole office will hear how you--"

"Alright, alright!" Shouted Sephiroth and Angeal in unison. If looks could kill, quick arrangement would have had to be made for Genesis' funeral. The Commander Rhapodos fan club leader entered, carrying with

some difficulty a very large CD player with accompanying CD.

"Ladies!" boomed Genesis. "If you will please take a seat, my comrades and I have a special surprise for you." The girls all ran to their seats, their eyes gleaming, whispering excitedly. The three men took up positions at the end of the room. The auburn haired leader pressed 'play' on the CD player, and the music began:

_I'm, to sexy for my love, to sexy for my love love's going to leave me…_

If the scream that went up from those females as the men began to dance (well, Genesis danced, Sephiroth and Angeal just moved vaguely about,)had been recorded,

it could have replaced the nuclear bomb in terms of lethal weaponry. However it was not until the verse:

_I'm, to sexy for my shirt, to sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…_ where in the men obligingly removed their shirts, that Genesis realized his mistake. In planning his 'special surprise,' he had not taken into consideration just how dangerous

24 lust-maddened girls could be. He began to realize this as they all abandoned their seats and stampeded for the three men, baying like hounds after a fox. The men were, of course, unable to fight them, so their only option was to--

"RUN!" Screamed Genesis, and they wasted no time in evacuating the premises.

Damn you, Genesis," growled Sephiroth between gulps of blessed air from where they hid behind the rows of large ShinRa dumpsters.

"How was I to know the crowd would get ugly?" Genesis whined.


	3. Chapter 3: The New girl

She was so beautiful, with her pearly blonde hair gently framing her sweet face, a face that housed soft, hazy blue eyes. She wore a gray pencil skirt along with a rosy pink polo shirt and a gray vest, probably in an attempt to look professional, but it only made her look sweeter. Her name was Kitty Kasuga, the newest secretary at ShinRa.

Sephiroth was the first of his comrades to meet her. He was striding down the hall, not whistling of course but obviously in a genial mood. This mood was broken when he collided with a human being who had apparently been headed down the hall at a great speed and not watching where she was going. The collision, of course affected her much more that it affected Sephiroth, he being a great deal taller and heavier. She crashed to the floor, along several clipboards and papers she had been carrying. Sephiroth, muttering a curse, was just about to continue on his way, but he happened to glance down at the young woman he had bowled over, who was rubbing her head and apologizing. Instead of walking off, he reached down to help her up, insisting that the blame was his like the perfect gentlemen he should have been all along. "You must be the new secretary." He commented, helping her pick up the scattered clipboards and papers. "Yes, sir, Kitty Kasuga." she replied. She had an extremely soft, almost inaudible voice, and when her eyes met his he saw there the manifestation of innocence. "Pleased to meet you miss Kasuga. I am General Sephiroth." Her already bright eyes lit up, giving them the appearance of stars in the heavens. "Oh! I have something for you." She said. She rooted through the stack of papers in the hands, and handed him a few that were stapled together, smiling brightly. "Thank you," said he, somewhat disappointed. "You're welcome, General." she chirped, turning to leave. "Wait." Said he. She turned and waited. "Miss Kasuga, would you join me for lunch this afternoon?" He inquired casually. She smiled prettily. "Why, thank you, yes." She agreed. Sephiroth nodded, and she walked of to continue her duties.

His genial mood had returned.

Later, in his office, he logged into the company website and was pleased to see that he had (1) mission in the mission inbox. The important missions were given verbally in Shinra Sr.'s office, but any mission was better than none. Suddenly he felt a vibrating in his pocket. Pulling it out he saw that Genesis was calling. "Yes?" he answered. "Sephiroth! Have you seen the new secretary Kasuga?" Genesis sounded excited. "I have." Replied S, glancing over the "office news" section of the website.

"What did you think of her?" Genesis quizzed.

"Adorable."

"Adorable? Is that all you can say?!"

"Well…"

"Radiant! Gorgeous! Pure and innocent! Like unto--"

"I get it."

"Yes well," Genesis sighed, "I asked her to take the midday meal with me, but she said she had plans with some other lucky bastard." He growled. "That would be me." Sephiroth informed, logging off the website. There was a *click!* from the other end of the line, letting him know that Genesis had hung up, and a very few minutes later the door to his office burst open to reveal him standing there looking irate. "So!" Genesis shouted. "So _you_ are the beastly slithering serpent who made the first play through lies and deceit!" "Actually," Sephiroth contradicted, "I am merely the general who asked a pretty girl to lunch." Just then Zack popped his head through the door. "Hey, did you guys see that cute girl Kasuga?" He asked. Genesis stared at him, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head. (Genesis' eyes, not Zack's.) "Zack. I thought you were dating someone already." Said Sephiroth. "Ariel or something, right?" "Arieth," Zack corrected, "And yeah but this chick is still hot." Genesis gaped. "She is not a "hot chick!'" He bellowed. "I will not have you referring to miss Kasuga in that loathsome degrading way." Just then, Angeal's head appeared in the doorway beside the other two. "What's going on?" Asked he. "We are discussing the new secretary, miss Kasuga." Sephiroth explained. "Oh yes I saw her. Sweet looking girl." admitted Angeal. Zack frowned at Genesis. "Why do you care _what_ I call her? She's way to young for you." There was silence in the room for a moment. "What?" asked Genesis. "Yeah she is like nineteen." said Zack. "Well, age is just a number," said Genesis blithely. Sephiroth breathed a small sigh of relief upon hearing that she was legal, and wondered a bit how Zack knew this. "Sounds like pedophile talk to me." Zack quipped. "You know, Fair," Genesis began, but stopped when he noticed Sephiroth walking to the door. "Gah! Sephiroth! You cant take her out she is not your type!" He sputtered. "My type?" asked Sephiroth icily. "Yes. The pure-and-innocent-maiden-in-springtime-type should never be paired with the murderous-intimidating-lazy type like you," replied Genesis knowledgably. "Oh really." Said Sephiroth in even colder tones. "And yet she should be paired with a drama queen, a drama queen that would rescue his copy of _loveless_ from a burning building before his own mother?" After that they all started talking at once, well, more laughter and shouting than talking. Then Angeal's well trained SOLDIER ears picked up a soft voice from behind them. "Uhm?" turning, he saw that miss Kasuga was standing there looking confused. "Oh, hello miss Kasuga," Angeal greeted loudly. Everyone turned. Genesis instantly changed from 'raging inferno' to 'suave and debonair'. "Why, good afternoon miss- Gah!" He stopped in the middle of his grand bow when he noticed that Sephiroth had already linked arms with her and they were headed for the exit. She smiled shyly back at Genesis as they walked out. "Damn that silver-haired bastard…"

-text message-

2:34 PM

From: Zack Fair

_have u no shame??_

-text message-

2:40 PM

From: Seph

_not much._


	4. Four: Ninjas, Housekeeping, and Trick'd

**In which Angeal is pestered by Yuffie, Sephiroth is driven insane by hotel staff, and Genesis' makes sport out of the misery of a certain blonde cadet!**

Just some silly out-of-office glimpses into the lives of our favorite SOLDIERS. Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

**Ninjas**

Angeal sighed in relief as he flopped down onto a park bench. President Shinra had been working him like a dog for the past few days, because both Sephiroth_ and_ Genesis were on the proverbial 'kitchen police,' having rubbed him the wrong way several times. Thusly Angeal had been required to go on three times as many missions. He massaged his temples stressfully, thankful that he could snatch a few minutes of rest before he had to go train that puppy of his. His brow knitted at the thought. Zack really knew how to work his nerves. He was _not_ looking forward to two hours of Zack's carelessness and flippancy. _Oh well, I won't think about that now. I'll just relax._ He thought. And he did. He leaned back and basked in the afternoon sun. It really was a nice day here in this little town of what's-its-name, east of Midgar. The sun biffed along cheerfully, the birds chirped, the- "_Goh!"_ Angeal gasped painfully as some object hurled from some way off impacted his stomach. "What in blazes?" He looked down to see what it was. "A boomerang?" he asked aloud. He lifted his eyes up angrily to see who had thrown the object. "Sorry mister!" came a sheepish apology. It came from a young girl with short black hair. "I was using my boomerang for shuriken practice, guess I still need some work," she explained, rubbing the back of her head. "I'll say," agreed Angeal. But he wasn't as angry as he sounded. This girl reminded him of Zack somehow. Then again he didn't really want to be reminded of Zack just then. What he wanted was peace and quiet.

Standing, he gave the girl a curt nod and she buzzed off. Breathing deeply the crisp autumn air his eyes wandered over to the pond where several people were feeding ducks. He was intrigued, and soon ventured over. He walked up to a little girl with a bag of bread crumbs and asked her for a few. She smiled up at him and gave him a handful, and he patted her head and wandered over to a nearby tree. He stood under it and started tossing breadcrumbs to the ducks, who greedily gulped down his offerings like they were starving. _It feels like I'm working in a soup kitchen. _He thought with a smile. Suddenly there was a loud crash from the tree above him, and before he could look up he found himself crashing to the ground as a large object fell onto his back, knocking the breath out of him. This object soon manifested itself as a young human girl as it leapt from his back. "What the devil?" he spluttered between spitting out mouthfuls of dirt. "Oh ha-ha, sorry mister," came the sheepish apology again. "Guess I need a little more work on my stealth skills." Standing, Angeal grunted annoyed in reply, brushing the dirt and loose grass from his battle suit. "But I gotta say," the girl added, "You don't have very good reflexes for a SOLDIER." Angeal sighed. "I wasn't expecting it to rain teenage girls on a clear day." he quipped. The girl shrugged. "Take it from me, the Great Yuffie, you gotta be prepared for everything in this life!" with this she turned and buzzed off. Angeal had not a doubt that she went off to make herself a nuisance to someone. As for him, his nerves were more jangled than ever, and now his back was hurting. That Yuffie might think herself a ninja, but she didn't fall as gracefully as one. She fell like an anvil. With another sigh he began to wonder if a walk in the park on a cool autumn day wasn't actually the best thing for the nerves. As he was thinking this he noticed some children playing in a playground to his left. It was more of a sandlot than a playground, as there was only a slide and a small swing to the far side of it. It was then he remembered hearing something about walking barefoot in the sand being therapeutic. He decided he might as well try it, nothing else seemed to be working. He bent down and removed his regulation boots and regulation-well no his mother had made those socks for him actually,- and moseyed over to there aforementioned sandlot. As soon as his toes hit the sand he knew this was _just_ what the doctor ordered. He closed his eyes and lifted his face sunward as he enjoyed the sensation of his toes squidging in the sand. "Ah yes," he sighed, "This is just-OUCH! BLAST!" He barked suddenly. Some sharp object had just impaled his foot. He looked down and saw- jacks? the toys? He stared blankly down at the small pointy objects, wincing at the growing pain in his foot. "Oh,_ that's_ where I left my caltrops," came a horribly familiar voice at his side. Looking over he saw a young girl leaning down to coop up the "caltrops." She looked up at him and grinned. "Oh hey it's you gain!" She chirped. Then she frowned. "You didn't step on these did you?" she asked, noticing that his injured foot was hovering a few inches off the ground. "Yes." he growled. "Gee that musta' hurt! Good thing I'm not allowed to use real caltrops huh?" She said with a grin. Angeal was in no mood to count his blessings. He turned abruptly and limped off, not even bothering to put on his boots. He had to get away from this girl before he lost his mind. Compared to her, Zack would be welcome company.

**Housekeeping.**

Sephiroth staggered into room 2B of the "Discount Motel," and immediate threw himself onto the dingy looking bed with a groan. He had been awake for the past 48 hours on a grueling mission, burning labs, running from town to town and dealing with the angry citizens, without a moments rest. He was dirty and bloody, and his normally well-conditioned hair was a tangled stringy mess, but that was the least of his concerns, His main-and only- concern at the moment was sleep. Every muscle in his exhausted body cried out for it. He couldn't remember the last time he had been so tired. It was as if all those years of training and conditioning had been spent, leaving a weakened human man.

"Sweet sleep my love how I have missed you," he moaned, closing his eyes and surrendering to the warm blackness that engulfed him. What seemed like two seconds later his senses were aroused to the sound of loud knocking at his door, and a shrill voice saying, "Housekeeping!" He ignored it, hoping that it would go away, and once again began to drift into sweet slumber._ Tap. Tap. Tap._ "Housekeeping!" came the sound again. With a tremendous effort, Sephiroth pulled one eyelid open, and swiveled the eyeball over to look at the clock that sat on the nightstand next to the bed. 12:03 pm. He had only been asleep for 4 hours. "GO. AWAY." he shouted with some effort. "Must come housekeep room now." came the insistent voice. "You're about to housekeep my sword up your rear in a moment! Come back tonight!" Sephiroth snapped, although in reality he lacked the energy to mutilate anyone. "Housekeeping loose one dollar off paycheck for each room I not do now." The shrill voice complained. Sephiroths eyes, which were already red from sleep and exhaustion, blazed with fury. His mind wanted to leap up and strangle "housekeeping" to death, but his weary body refused to move. There apparently was only one way to get rid of this woman. "FINE COME IN YOU DIPSTICK." he snarled, slamming his eyes shut. With a satisfied sniff, the woman unlocked the door and entered the room. Sephiroth could vaguely hear her clicking around the room as he slowly lost consciousness and oh sweet sleep! Oh blessed slumber! Gratefully he melted way into- "Housekeeping need to do bed now." Slowly he felt his senses returning to him like unwanted ex-girlfriends as sleep drifted away from his loving grasp. "I'm not getting up." He mumbled. "You very lazy. Sleep half the day away. Get up and get life, and let me make stupid bed." Said the woman, equally annoyed. That was the cricket In the mitten for Sephiroth. His bloodshot eyes popped open, and his exhaustion was temporarily forgotten as he soared to a sitting position. "I HAVE BEEN AWAKE FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS FIGHING OFF ANGRY MOBS, DESTROYING LABS, AND RUNNING MY *expletive* LUNGS OUT. I THINK I DESERVE A FEW HOUSE OF _UNINTERUPPTED _*expletive* SLEEP! NOW GET OUT BEFORE I MAKE THAT FEATHER DUSTER OF YOURS A PERMANENT PART OF YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS!" He bellowed, and threw his head back onto the pillow and yanked the covers over his head. With a snort, the housekeeping woman carted herself and her supplies out the door. A few moment later Sephiroth heard her outside the door he knew belonged to Genesis saying, "Housekeeping!"

**Trick'd**

Genesis flopped down on his couch with an exasperated sigh. It was his day off, the only one he had a month. Unlike his colleagues Angeal and Sephiroth, Genesis despised his off day. He much preferred the faster pace of constant missions and office work. If he was ever tired at the job, he would just retreat to the balcony with _Loveless,_ or ask a sweet faced young secretary to lunch, (usually a different one each week.)

It never took him more than an hour to completely recover his strength and pep. When he returned home,

he found his eight hours of sleep were ample. His days off however were unbearably dull. They rarely fell on a day when Angeal or Sephiroth were also off, so he couldn't go drinking with them, and he hated going alone. He supposed he could go out and do something, but Genesis intensely lacked motivation when he had no clear goal in mind. He pulled out his phone and speed-dialed Angeal. after five rings, Angeal's voice came from the other end of the line. "Hello?" he sounded flustered. "'Geal, let's go drinking or something. I'm horribly bored." "Genesis, I'm in the middle of a mission!" "Give it a miss! Come on, you know you can." "No! This is an important mission, besides what kind of an example is that?" "I'll help you find a beautiful female companion…" Genesis coaxed. "A fascinating shapely one at that." He added.

"Genesis, the last beautiful fascinating shapely woman you found for me was a prostitute. Now I told you I'm in the middle of a mission goodbye." And with that Angeal hung up. Genesis pouted to himself but lost no time in dialing Sephiroth's number. "What." unlike Angeal, Sephiroth always answered on the first ring.

"Sephiroth let's do something, I'm fearful bored."

"Off day?"

"Yeesss." Genesis groaned.

"You know Genesis, these off days aren't mandatory. You could just go in to work."

Genesis snorted. "What kind of pathetic lifeless person does that?"

"The same kind of pathetic lifeless person who sneaks into the office at-"

"ANYWAY." Genesis interrupted, "Let's go intimidate some honest working men and steal their wives from them or something."

"As fun as that sounds, and it actually sounds fun, no. I am occupied." Sephiroth answered.

"With WHAT?"

"I'm busy." Sephiroth rarely told his business.

After a loud, long groan of complete exasperation, (which Sephiroth hung up in the middle of,)

Genesis decided to turn on the television. Flipping idly through the channels he stopped on one when he saw the title was 'trick'd'. Genesis enjoyed this show, it made his heart glad to see people put out of their minds with worry and then be told it was all a prank at the end. And then as he watched, he had an epiphany…

Cadet Cloud Strife jumped as his cell phone rang. He was not used to getting cell phone calls. He was even more surprised to see the name on the caller I.D. He had asked Zack for the numbers of the three first class SOLDIERS in the vain hope that he would get a call from one of them. He had had their numbers for over a year and had forgotten he even had them, so imagine his shock when he saw 'Commander Rhapodos' pop up on the screen. His heart skipped a beat, and he fumbled with the pone as he tried to answer.

"Hello?" he squeaked. He cleared his voice and tried again. "Hello?" he squeaked. "Cloud Strife?" Genesis smirked at how suave and authoritative he could make his voice. "Y-yes." Cloud answered, silently cursing his shaky voice. "Welll cadet Strife, I hear from second-class Fair that you have been trying quite hard to make second-class." Genesis rolled each word around on his tongue, enjoying the discomfort he knew he was causing the cadet. Cloud nodded vigorously, and them remembered he was on the phone. "Yes, sir."

he said. "Well cadet, it takes more than training to be a true SOLDIER. I have taken an interest in you. Come to my abode at four, be on time. "With this he hung up, leaving Cloud staring wide eyed into space, the phone still held to his ear.

With a happy sigh Genesis rubbed his hands together. Nothing like frightening a hard working underling to death to perk up an otherwise dull day. Cloud was the only one he could think of" Zack was untrickable, himself being a known prankster. He remembered seeing the spiky blond head boy hanging around the second-class, and knew he would be perfect for the planned mischief. "Augh!" He suddenly started violently in his chair as he realized he had just told the cadet to come over in his best arrogant voice when his apartment was a mess. He jumped up and began speed cleaning, smirking as he thought of the plans he had for the cadet.

Cloud stood on the doorstep taking deep breaths as he gathered up the nerve to knock on the door. He kept having the feeling that he had only imagined the phone call, and Genesis actually had no idea a young cadet was staring on his doorstep. _Come on Strife._ He told himself. _Pull yourself together, this is your chance!_

But all he could do was stand clenching and unclenching his fists. Suddenly, the door swung open. "Greetings, cadet." Genesis boomed. Cloud, who had choked on his own inhale, let out a strangled cough.

"Come in, cadet, and allow me to teach you the finer things of life." Five minutes later Cloud found himself sitting in a candle lit living room, (he didn't notice the miscellanea stuffed under the sofa,) holding a small red book in his hands. Everyone in SOLDIER knew of Genesis' obsession with LOVELESS. Every hour or so you could see him out ton the balcony, or reading it to a young secretary under a tree, or reading it while he was eating lunch. Indeed with all the time he spent reading it it was a wonder he ever got any work done at all. "This book," he intoned to Cloud now, "Is over five hundred years old. It is the last known copy of LOVELESS. Hold it with great care cadet. It is more important than your life and the lives of all your peers put together." With that, Genesis walked into the kitchen, muttering something about irresponsibility. The confused Cloud looked down at the book in his hands. Was he supposed to read it? He opened it gingerly and turned the pages. What did reading LOVELESS have to do with being a SOLDIER? Suddenly Cloud's heart stopped. A page of the five hundred year old last known copy of the book LOVESS had just come loose. As he removed his violently shaking hand, another page came apart. For a moment, Cloud was frozen. He blinked once or twice, hoping the horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach would go away, along with that dreadful sound of the world crashing around his ears. Then his mind snapped into place as he realized his dire position. Still shaking violently, he looked about for an escape route. He had just decided he would burst the window and run to his apartment to hastily pack for his move to Madagascar, when he decided it would be a much better idea to use the door. But just as he leapt up, Genesis returned. Cloud hastily closed the book, and stammered 'O-o-h you're back."

"Why shouldn't I be?" Genesis asked breezily. Without waiting for an answer he strode over and took the book from Cloud. "And now, Cadet, LOVELESS." he intoned, holding the book with reverence. Cloud was a trembling mass of nerves. His eyes flitted about looking for an escape, but there was none, for Genesis was standing in front of the only exit. He supposed he could break the window, but even if he thought this the best thing to do his body wouldn't move. He couldn't even let out the croak that was in his mouth as Genesis opened the book to about the middle, the same spot he had been reading. Clearing his throat Genesis began. "When the war of the beast brings about-" He stopped. A page had just drifted towards the ground. Both his eyes and Cloud's followed it to the ground, until it landed gracefully. Then their eyes locked. Now Cloud couldn't even tremble he was so paralyzed. The look in Genesis' eyes was terrible.

Then, all of a sudden, Genesis burst out laughing heartily. "The…look….on….your face cadet!" He gasped between outbursts. "It was even more priceless than….when you tore….the page!" with this he clutched at his stomach and continued to guffaw. Cloud stared at him blankly. What? He was laughing? Presently Genesis calmed down enough to explain. "Poor little Cloud," he said, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes,

"This was all a set-up. This," he said, holding up the book, "Is not LOVELESS. It's…Aesop's fables or something like that, I don't even know, but it's archaic." he laughed again, but Cloud was still confused.

Then he began to realize it had all been a prank. Oh… "Oh cadet Strife, I owe you my thanks. You have brightened up my day considerably.." Said Genesis, waving a dismissive hand. "Oh!" He said, remembering his duties as a First. Angeal would kill him if he didn't add a moral to maintain his dignity. "The lesson to be learned from all this is: always make sure you know what you're getting into. If you had read the cover you would have known that book was not LOVELESS." He said sternly. "Oh…thank you, sir." said the bewildered Cloud, wandering out the door. Genesis smirked as he watched him go, but then boredom returned to him. But now he had a new pastime. He pulled out his phone and dialed 'Kunsel.'


End file.
